


The Misadventures of The Bureau

by Number_Twelve



Series: The Cat Returns Oneshots and others [6]
Category: Neko no Ongaeshi | The Cat Returns, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: A little cutesy, Action, Baron can't survive without tea, F/M, Gen, I the writer can't survive without water, Muta can't survive without Cake, Toto can't see window panes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:54:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Number_Twelve/pseuds/Number_Twelve
Summary: Muta somehow ends up in a book.Baron manages to turn himself into a cat after a spell going wrong.Toto collides into a window panel and looses his memory.And Haru... Haru just happens to be in the Bureau.Could anything get any worse than this?Hint: Yesssss it can.
Relationships: Baron Humbert von Gikkingen/Yoshioka Haru
Series: The Cat Returns Oneshots and others [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740934
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	1. Muta's Misadventure into the world of Lord Of The Rings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Catsafari](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catsafari/gifts).



> Allo! A new story like I promised!  
> I will explain how it came to mind. So, yesterday I was reading the Bureau files (by Catsafari) and I absolutely fell in love with the episode 'A cat and his human' in which Baron accidentally turns himself into a cat and Toto into a human. That gave me some inspiration to write my own story (not trying to copy Catsafari's idea, of course. It was just a dose of serious inspiration). So I came up with these ideas 'cause then it wouldn't be too short. Enjoy!

It was the first time Muta had ever opened a book in about five years and he had eneded up regreting doing so. First impressions matter, and the book's impression was... well, both unexpected and terrifying. It all started with the book glowing on Muta's paws, the words beginning to burn into a bight red color. He frowned at it in that Muta ish way of his, realizing too late what was going to happen. A little, purple-blue window opened up on the book, swallowing him in. Before he knew it, he had fallen right through the book with a surprised yowl and landed face flat on the ground on the other side. He scrambled to his paws, looking up in time to see the portal close. 

"Wha- No!" he said, lifting onto his back legs. But it was too late anyways. The fat cat dropped onto his haunches with an annoyed sigh. He regreted having even ventured close to the book. He wondered if he should wait for someone to realize he was gone. But he was Muta, a free, independent cat (okay, maybe he depended on Baron's cakes, but...). He was strong enough to take care of himself. And anyways, sooner or later someone would notice he was gone. His best chance was Baron, who was smart enough to figure out what had happened. No hope pinned on Birdbrain (the dumb crow would't even notice he was gone). Haru was somewher in between. She would worry, but he had gone missing more that for a couple of days so she would probably think he was out and about the Human World. He sighed to himself, getting up onto all fours.

As much as Baron was a show off, the creation would be the first to notice that something was wrong. Muta looked at his surroundings. He had been unceremoniously dumped into a small clearing in a forest, and he could hear the sound of a stream. He remembered the name of the book: Lord Of The Rings (why would anyone want to be lord of the rings? Did they rule over rings or something? Well, at least it was better than Lord Of The Flies). The fat cat was quick to realize that he was thirsty, so he walked into the forest's shadows, ears pricked and high for any sound that could suggest Danger with a capital D. He soom reached a small brook and gratefully bent over to drink from the cool water.

He then set off again, wondering where in the world could he find a good village with good food. That, he supposed, would be hard. All he could see were trees, leaf littler, more trees, moss growing on stones, more trees… The typical forest. Still, Muta knew that he had to be on the alert. He was in a different world (to be mkore precisse, in the book he regreted having opened) and he didn't know what dangers it held. He would be happy if any of the monsters were made out of cake or something... 

Something came whistling out of nowhere and hit the tree next to him, just a few inches above his head and making him jump. He inspected it. Looked like a pointed stick to him... He turned around to see what had shot it, but found nothing. Well, he did hear something. Weird, unhuman screams and the clash of weapons. He frowned, carefully trotting torward the noises. He slipped into a bush and peered from inside the branches. What he found was a raging battle unlike any he had seen. Weird creatures with ugly faces attacked more human like people. Muta found the owner of the arrow, a tall, blonde haired man who moved around as if he floated, shooting ugly thing after ugly thing. As soon as the battle had started, it was finished. The men looked rather murderous, so Muta decided that it would be safer for him to stay hidden where he was and not risk going out into the open.

"I scored a higher score than you this time, Legolas." a short, red bearded man said. "Ten."

"Sad. I killed at least fifteen." the blonde man said with a moking smile. Muta frowned. Well, that reminded him of two very familiar creatures... Was this a parallel version of their world?

"Now's not the time." this man could have been baron, excepting that they looked nothing alike. "Thre might be more Orcs in the area." 

"I've got too many arrows but not enough Orcs." Legolas sighed. Muta shifted and his head snapped to the bush he was hiding in. A momment later, the bow was pointed right at him.

"There's something hiding in there." Legolas growled.

"Might just be the wind. Lt's get out of here. We need to find Frodo and Sam." the other man said. Legolas pointed the bow for a moment longer before lowering it.

"Alright. Let us go." he said, walking ahead of the other two. Muta waited hidden in the bush before he finally dared to put a paw outside. He looked around him at the remains of a camp. He smelled bread and walked over to a little bag, prodding it open. As he had expected, he found bread in it. Looking around him to check that he was alone, he took the bread out and hid back in the bush to satisfy his stomach.

It wouldn't be much, but it would fill him for at leasta couple of hours.

Meanwhile, at the Sanctuary...


	2. Baron's not Feline Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the pun in the chapter tittle, but it was too hard to resist :)  
> Anyways, please enjoy this new chapter!  
> Warning: Baron is not having a PURR-fect day XD. OK, I'll stop... for now 😎

Meanwhile, at the Sanctuary...

Toto swooped in through the Sanctuary's arch with Baron upon his back, landing on the stone floor with a light thud and folding his pitch black wings. Baron gracefully hopped off, readjusting his hat.

"What are we going to do about the Magi, Baron?" Toto crowed, hopping after Baron into the Bureau's open doors.

"Find him. The other day, I came across a very odd book. I am quite sure that it was enchanted, since there's magic wafting out of it in waves. And, what's more, it was left on my desk. As if someone wanted me to open it." Baron said, stepping inside. Toto took off, flying in through the open windows and landing on the railing of the second floor. 

"Where's Puddingface?" 

"Probably out." Baron answered, walking over to his desk. But he was too focused to notice that the book, which had once been on Baron's desk, was now lying on the couch. Or that there was a rather large slice of cake left behind on the kitchen counter. Both creations where not aware of Muta's disappearance. Baron walked over to the kettle, warming the tea inside and pouring himself some. Then he walked back to his usual armchair and sat down to sip at the cup. However, he failed to notice the little slip of paper he had just sat on. There was a sudden burst of light, causing both creations to yell out in chock. Toto was quick to shield his face from the blinding light with one of his wings. He heard a tea cup smash against the floor along with a loud crash that bounced off the Bureau walls- as if something had been thrown against the wall. Then the light slowly faded and Toto slowly lifted his head from behind his wing. The armchair where Baron had been seated was now empty, excepting Baron's top hat and a little bit of spilled tea; the rest of the tea had splashed down on the carpet. Baron's desk was a mess, papers gently floating down to settle on the wooden floor around it. But no sign of the creation. Toto folded his wing, fearing the worst.

"Baron?" the crow called.

"I'm fine." Came Baron's voice from somewhere. He heard a pained groan coming from behind the armchair.

"What's going on?" Toto nearly jumped out of his feathers when Haru's voice came from behind him. He turned his head to see the Brunette standing outside, a worried look on her face.

"Everything is... oh dear." Baron let out a shaky laugh. "Ohhh dear."

"Baron?" Toto asked. He swooped down, landing on the floor and carefully picking his way around the armchair. His beady black eyes widened. "Oh dear indeed." he said, a small smile slowly turning into a grin on his beak. "Baron, what happened to you?"

"Toto? What's wrong with him?" Haru called from the entrance.

"Baron's a cat."

"Uh, yeah. That's not new."

"Haru. I mean a full cat." Toto moved aside. "Baron, show her."

"I don't look very presentable-" Toto sighed and leaned down, gently pushing Baron into sight. It was not expected and Haru couldn't help but stare.

Baron was no longer the half cat she had gotten used to, but the pale, ginger fur and emerald green eyes let her know that this was the Baron they knew. He was smaller than the average cat now, ridiculously cute AND fluffy looking by all standards. The big emerald eyes didn't help his case, either. But he _did_ look annoyed. Haru couldn't help the way her lips twitched upwards, which made Baron look a little more annoyed that he already was.

"Baron... you look different." Haru said. There was a moment of silence. Then Toto snorted.

"Different in an understatement." the crow said. "How do you feel?"

"Normal. Except the fact that, you know, I am missing my thumbs." Baron said, sitting on his haunches and giving his paws a mournful look.

"What happened?" Haru asked, squeezing inside and sitting down on the chest.

"He just sat down on his armchair and then there was a flash of light and he ended up like this." Toto said, hopping over to the armchair and looking it over. He then saw the little slip of paper on the seat. "Hey, Baron, I think this is yours." Baron stood, padding over to the armchair and lightly jumping on it. He batted at the paper, looking at it carefully.

"It's one of my spells." Baron said, shocked. "But... it looks like it's been modified. And it's been left lying around."

"Very Un-Baron thing." Toto said, nodding with a straight face. Baron threw him a _look_.

"I don't remember doing this. Toto, could you carefully flip it over so I could see the back?" he continued. Toto slowly turned it upside down and Baron looked at it. "What I thought." he said. "Someone set this up."

"Why?" Haru asked.

Baron cleared his throat. "'Dear Baron: Hope you enjoy being a temporary feline.' And it's signed off by Terry."

"Looks like that cat found a way to write without thumbs." Haru mused, peering at the paper.

"He's not an actual cat. That's just one of his disguises." Baron explained.

"I didn't know that."

"We found out an hour ago from a friendly stray who tried to eat Toto." Baron explained.

"Friendly?" Toto muttered, shaking his head.

"Speaking about cats," Haru said, "where's Muta?" There was a long silence. Then Baron's eyes finally fell on 'The Lord Of The Rings' copy that had somehow ended up on the floor next to the armchair and had gone unnoticed until now. Baron, even as a cat, quickly connected the dots.

Muta's absence.

The book.

The magic that Baron could feel coming from inside it.

The slice of cake on the counter, untouched.

The book had been meant for him, but it had been Muta who had (surprisingly) opened it, unleashing whatever magic had been put inside. Then Baron recognized the magic.

"That's portal magic." he informed, pouncing off the armchair and leaving the slip of paper on the armchair. He landed on the wooden floor gracefully (it made Haru wonder whether his cat incident had happened before) and padded over to the book.

"You mean that the ball of grease opened a book?" Toto asked as Baron prodded it with a paw.

"And apparently he got swallowed in one of the most dangerous worlds ever created. Middle Earth." Baron affirmed.

"You mean Middle Earth as if in Hobbits and Dwarves?" Haru asked.

"Yes." Baron affirmed with a nod. He slowly opened the first few pages of the book, spotting Muta's name printed on the paper. "He's definitely in here."

"This Magi really is getting on my nerves." Toto muttered, ruffling his feathers. The book began to glow, and Baron took a step away from it as the letters began to burn.

"Oh gee." Haru sighed. Why hadn't she been expecting it?

The Bureau was suddenly filled with a light breeze as a rectangle shaped portal opened up, sucking all of them in. As Haru's foot disappeared inside, the portal closed once more. The unlucky Bureau members found themselves lying were Muta had been not long ago. Haru slowly got up, glancing up at the spot where the portal had been. Only that now it was gone.

"Baron, your cute little claws are digging into one of my wings!" she heard Toto say.

"My apologies," Baron said, getting to his own paws and looking around.

"This is Middle Earth?" Haru asked, turning to him.

"Yes. And if my calculations are correct, we are not actually in the story. The book served as a portal." Baron added.

"That's not very reassuring. By the way, um, does anyone know when Orcs went extinct?" Haru asked nervously.

"That, Miss Haru, is what I don't know." Baron admitted, ears flattening back and muscles tensing. "We have to find Muta."

"No need for that." they all jumped as Muta himself walked into the clearing, his usually cream fur covered in smudges and leaves. "That's a lot of noise you are making. Glad to see you connected the dots, Baron."

"Well, that was easy." Haru said with a relieved sigh.

"Won't be." Muta grumbled. Then his eyes fell on Baron and he snorted. "What happened to you, Baron? Can't FELINE fine? Doesn't look like you are having a PURR-fect day, eh?"

"A trap." the creation saif in a flat tone. "How long have you been here for?"

"Two days. It was horrifying. I had to survive on bugs and scraps left behind by travelers. Did any of you bring any cake? I'm hungry."

Toto looked unimpressed. "Of course you are, butterball."

"Shut up, you stupid Orc faced- imbecile."

"How long did it take you to think of that? Two days?"

"As a matter of fact-"

 _"Not now_." Baron said, quieting the other two. "We need to get out of here. This was a trap set for us by Terry and goodness knows what that Magi is up to."

"So what do we do?" Haru asked.

"We find shelter for the night and then Gandalf the White." Baron replied.

"Wait- you are saying that Gandalf is real?"

"Tolkien was a gifted creator, Miss Haru."


	3. Not all birds can see glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to Toto for what's going to happen in this chapter.

"Where will we find him?" Haru asked, her legs aching from all the walking they had done. Baron was handing on to her shoulder, his new body unaccustomed to walking for such a long time. Muta seemed to be fairing pretty well (excepting all his whining and grumbling, but let's face it: this is Muta we are talking about), and Toto didn't have many problems either, flying high above them to look for any possible danger/shelter.

"Hopefully close by. If Muta saw Legolas, Gimly and Aragorn before, then hopefully they can help us." Baron said.

"Unless Blondie mistakes us for Orcs and shoots us all dead." Muta muttered. His belly rumbled along. The other two Bureau memebers ignored his comment.

"So he will be able to get us all back?" Haru asked, pushing away a tree branch so she could walk through.

"Hopefully, yes." Baron affirmed. The ex-creation looked up at the dark sky. Muta seemed to read his mind.

"Where's Birdbrain gone to?" the cat asked. 

"Maybe he's flown a little farther to look for suitable shelter." Haru suggested. They stepped out into a clearing only to find a small, wooden house on the other end. One of the windows was let through the warm light of a fire inside, complimenting the sweet smell that acomoanied it. The light fell on the unmoving shape of a crow.

"Toto?" Haru said, walking forward. It was Toto alright, flipped onto his back and wings spread out. There was a tiny line of blood on his brow.

"What hapened to him?" Haru asked. Baron suddenly leaped from her shoulder and landed smoothly on the floor. He looked at Toto's unmoving body.

"He's breathing." The cat reported, lightly pawing at the bird's left wing. Toto's claws, which were curled and close to his black body, twitched. The wing Baron had touched shifted as well. They heard a groan escape the crow's beak. His eyes slowly opened as he registered the scene around him.

"What..." he raised his head a little but dropped it back down, taking in a pained breath. "What happened?"

"You must have hit one of the windows." Baron said, standing back as the crow flipped onto its legs. Even then, the animal looked confused.

"Toto, are you okay?" Haru asked.

"Toto?" The crow echoed. "Who's Toto? Who are you?" There was a deadly silence. 

"Are you serious, Birdbrain?" Muta said in a gruff voice, "We saw you, like, two minutes ago."

"In my defense, I have never met you. And I do have a birdbrain, Mr... Mr marshmallow with legs." Muta bristled, but Baron was quick.

"You don't know who we are?" Toto shook his head. "What do you remember?"

"I know that I am a crow. And I know that I am a creation." The crow said. "I saw my creator only a day ago."

Baron took a sharp intake of breath. "The hit must have been hard enough to make you forget..." he said, mostly to himself. "Muta, what are you doing?" Muta looked away from the wall he had beeen tentatively licking.

"It's a candy house." The cat replied, tapping the wall with a paw. Haru looked more closely and realized that the wall she had thought to be made of wood was actually dark slabs of chocolate. She then realized where the smell had come from. She then remembered a certain tale about two kids who had gotten lost and ended up eating an entire candy house,later getting kidnapped by a mad witch.

"Um, Muta, you probably shouldn't do that…" the brunette said.

"I've eaten chocolate before, chicky. It doesn't kill me." Muta said, licking the wall once more.

"That's not what I mean-" the door suddenly slammed open to reveal a short man in a night cap, with dirty, messy grey hair falling about him in waves. In fact, it went farther down, past hizs feet and trailing behind him.

"SAVAGES!" the man roared. "EATING MY HOUSE AGAIN!!!"

"Sir, please-" Baron tried to say, but the man swung out a foot, which the cat easily dodged.

"GET. OUT!!!" he shouted. Haru hastily picked Baron and Toto up, backing into the trees. Muta was quick to follow, ears flattened.

"Rood." the cat muttered. Baron slipped from Haru's arms and clambered onto her shoulder, huffing. Haru could feel a little tremir running down his legs as he crouched there.

"Let's find some shelter and then figure out our next move, shall we?" Haru said, gently placing Toto on her other shoulder. Muta looked up at them.

"You look like a scarecrow with those two on your shoulders. How about a third?" 

"You can perfectly well walk, Muta." Haru said. The cat grumbled something under his breath before following Haru.


End file.
